Running to Stand Still

Comments about courage notwithstanding, this is REALLY hard. I keep sitting down to write some sort of "yes, there is hope" post about my decision to get help and try to get healthy. But so many horrible things happened along the way that I'm having trouble with the"think positive" aspect of it. I keep waiting for a sliver of light to open in my mind, and my heart, but all I can do is think about (him) and (him) and how I'm still so lonely.

Just me and the pharmacy.

Monkey Mind.

I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I need to buy dog food.
I miss you.

Um, What He Said…

heather, who was undoubtably a catalyst for my recent stay at the hospital, has shared a post that her husband wrote about living with someone who is depressed. Check it out here. That's a good man.

I'm working on a post about the whole experience, but it's complicated. I may need to air it out a bit before reliving it here.

I'm better, though. Definitely.

well, THAT was interesting.

I'm home. There's food in the oven. Calder is waiting for Santa.

Notes from the long strange trip to come.

Happy Holidays!

…and Help arrived.

Thank you P, A, K, S, C, S, S and mostly C for today.

You're my heroes.

I love you, and I'll see you when I get back ;)

Help

Citizen Cope

“That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.” —Elizabeth Wurtzel

Compounds daily?

How about hourly?

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

Day One.

Practice.

Sit.

Frustrated.

Cry.

Remember.

Second Guess.

Cry.

Practice.

Numb.

Cry.

The Long, Long, LONG Way 'Round

So, in between all the sobbing and snuffling and cleaning out of the computer files and wading through wads of used Kleenex (actually, toilet paper, and man, that stuff can rub your nose down to the BONE), and the various other activities during THE DAY WHEN I WOKE UP IN HELL AND THEN GOT A LOT OF REALLY NICE EMAILS FROM PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO TOLD ME TO HANG IN THERE BUT WHO REALLY JUST MADE ME FEEL WORSE BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SO NICE AND I'M JUST A SNIVELING IDIOT, I fell asleep on the couch and had a dream that E.M. rode up to my house on his motorcycle and told me that he was taking me to Dunkin' Donuts. The most beautiful man in the world and an Extra Large Regular. I can't figure out if this is some sort of joke or a preview of Heaven.

E and I thank you all for your kind words.

(Edited because I have about 9 million google searches for this particular movie star and I felt bad for all the poor people looking for celebrity news who ended up here.)

think of your own title, I'm too busy mopping up my keyboard.

My God. The kindness of quasi-strangers is humbling.

Double that.

I am beyond words.