Tuesday, April 3, 2007

A nod to Mr. Ginsberg

Well while I'm here
I'll do the work.
And what's the work?
To ease the pain of living!
Everything else:
drunken dumbshow.

I was reading this (part of Memory Gardens -- Allen's eulogy for Jack Kerouac) last night, and thinking about the theory of "doing the work." Yesterday my therapist tasked me with acting "against my instinct." While this might sound counter-intuitive, it's designed to help me stop acting like a deer in headlights whenever I'm dealing with Matt. The demise of a marriage, especially when you're (I'm) not fully invested in it, has the unfortunate effect of making grown people (me) turn into babbling idiots. Yelling. Name-calling. Throwing of bananas. Evidently, this is not good for my image.

Therefore, I am now challenged with being agreeable. Being kind. Working smoothly toward compromise. Holding on to my integrity, no matter how hopeless and filled with despair I become.

Seems like a dumbshow either way.

3 comments:

Pendullum said...

Seems like a very great challenge...
And one that would be hard to remove yourself as one of the leads...

BOSSY said...

Bossy needs to act against her instinct too, but for now she'll just remain as hateful as ever.

slouching mom said...

dumbshow, indeed.

i grew up with that dumbshow. believe you me, the curtain needs to go down on it. as soon as possible.