Day 41: Everybody's wearing a disguise to hide what they've got left behind their eyes.

Our house went on the market today. I begrudgingly call it "our" house -- even though both of our names are on the deed, Matt hasn't lived here in 18 months or so, and it really doesn't seem like his house any more ('cept when the mortgage is due. Then it's ALL his house.).

I watched people trudge through today, looking at my stuff, talking about how they would change this little thing, or that little thing; one woman asked "why is the sofa over there?" I know stuff like this is subjective, and I've been househunting enough to know that I'm guilty of the same thing, but there's something a little insulting about watching people paw your stuff and then dismiss it. I feel like my privacy has been invaded.

Then I remembered. I put all my shit out there on my blog. Photos, sadness, cookie dough habit…who am I to get pissed about people looking at my stuff? I made my stuff public a while ago.

I really need to think about this one for a while.

In the meantime, if you know anyone who wants a nice little farmhouse 1/2 mile from the beach, let me know =)

Day 41: You can keep the grill, I get all of these.

Day 41: You can keep the grill, I get all of these.
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Early morning sunshine tell me all I need to know

New Fence
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Day 39: Don't Beat Your Head, Dry Your Eyes, Let the Love in There

Day 39: Don't Beat Your Head, Dry Your Eyes, Let the Love in There
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

and…and…and…

I sat in that groovy chair in the Delano Hotel too. See? I'm just as cool as Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon.

I'd take either.

I'm sorry if these are being pimped all over the place, but I just got turned onto them, and I think that now I could probably die happy.


Watch this one FIRST.


Then, change your underwear, and watch this one.

Outfielder

Day 37: No Wonder This Week Was So Rough.

Day 37: No Wonder This Week Was So Rough.
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

I'm all out of Happy.

It was a very tough decision…

…but the results are in.

Nestle Tollhouse Refrigerated Cookie Dough is better than Pillsbury Cookie Dough when eaten straight out of the package with a spoon.

I have yet to actually bake a cookie.

Day 36: Facets

Day 36: Facets
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Calder and I went to the Museum of Science today. We learned all about how mirrors work. We also looked at the T-Rex 79 times.

A book someone else wrote.

I'm just sayin'.

Day 35: Urdhva Dhanurasana

well, maybe. My arms need to be a little straighter. I actually have a bit of a hangover from the new meds, and so I really needed to power through my practice this morning. I also got a little help here:



Maybe now I'll go have some bacon.

Shiny Happy Person

I just went to see the lady who gives me the meds. She moved a few things around, and Lisa is a VERY happy girl right now.

heee heeeeeeeeee.

Day 34: Rocket Dogs

I can kick your ass with these, if I have to.

Day 34: Rocket Dogs
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Red Door

Red Door
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

it was nice going back here today.

Day 32: One For Each Person Who Really Needs Luck.

Day 32: One For Each Person Who Really Needs Luck.
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

To the entire F. family: my thoughts are with all of you, all the time.
Dad: I love you and know you're going to be fine.
G: Hang in there.

And I suppose there's a whole beach out there if I need to get more. I have a feeling that time is approaching.

Day 31: The Woods

Day 31: The Woods
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

In Which Technology Foils The Effect.

Noted this morning: The wimpy little beep heard when an angry person fumbles for and then pokes the "off" button on the cordless phone really doesn't deliver the same message as the old-fashioned method of slamming the phone back into the holder. It's very anticlimactic.

And flipping the bird to the phone was probably pretty ineffective too, huh?

It's fortunate that I can laugh at myself.

Day 29: You Haven't Spent A Single Day Outside Of My Heart

Day 29: You Haven't Spent A Single Day Outside Of My Heart
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Forgiving, maybe, but still mired. Today is hard.

I Don't Need To Tell You, You Know What You Are.

After thinking about it for countless hours (CAN'T SLEEP), I've decided to let myself off the hook a bit for what I thought was semi-regressive behavior on my part, but what I now believe to be perfectly normal behavior for someone immersed in what we're immersed in. I'm not acting out of turn, I'm just trying to move forward. Bad timing? Perhaps, and for that I'm sorry. I'm not sure I had another choice. This has been a rough week for all of us, no?

We are mighty. We can't fail if we don't stop trying.

Not So Kick-Ass

One step forward, two steps back.

Shit.

I was hoping to avoid this part.

Don't Blame Necco

Someone gave me a little box of Valentine's-type candies today, and while I truly appreciated the gesture, I have to say, I think perhaps the sentiment on the majority of the "conversation hearts" might be indicative of my relationship with this person. Half of them said nothing, and does that last on on the right really say "IN A POO???????"

My Clichés are Showing…

love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail

it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea

love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive

it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky

Valentine

Valentine
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Day 26: Right Effort

Day 26: Right Effort
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

ok, so my right knee is a little high, but I was in Baddha Konasana and by the time I got the shot, it was starting to hurt. I am WAY out of shape. Liv, wanna come up and practice with me?

I figured this was a better Right Effort than shoveling the snow. I'm going to let the rain take care of that.

10 things, and some french.

Liv has inspired me to use my brain for a bit here and come up with a Tuesday Ten.

1. Calder and I had a birthday party for a few of his dinosaurs this morning. Evidently we all had watercress and oak tree leaves, with chocolate cake for dessert. It was for vegetarian dinosaurs only.

2. I am so sick of dog hair. It follows me everywhere I go, and I think people are actually hesitant to come into my house because they know that no matter how much I vacuum, they will be covered with hair when they leave.

3. My vacuum stinks. (You see how I avoided that, right?)


4. But sometimes I have help.


5. I've recently become completely addicted to the Explore feature on Flickr. So much so that I lose hours. I'm determined to get something on there.

6. I recently sold my first "fine art" photograph.

7. I slept a total of 45 minutes last night, a portion of which was dedicated to a harrowing dream about purchasing a Mac Classic. That was the computer I learned most of my early "skills" on, and I thought I was so fierce.



8. Due to the no sleep issue, I am lugging Samsonites under the baby blues today, and am considering buying La Mer and just putting it on a damn credit card.

9. Thursday, which just happens to be Matt's birthday as well as Hellentine's Day, I have no date and I am just fine with that.

10. I'm up a full 5 pounds. Thank you Häagen Dazs, thank you spoon.

je suis terminé

Day 24: Freezing

Day 24: Freezing
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

It's bitter and windy outside so I have liberated one of my old sweaters from the days when everything had to be 12 sizes too big and I am going to do nothing but drink coffee, listen to music, write, and chill.

Is Mercury out of Retrograde yet? It's feeling that way.

4.5 lbs. up.

not too shabby for lisa.

Jai guru deva om

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Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Day 22: Pretty Unlikely

Day 22: Pretty Unlikely
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

There's a film over everything.

Day 21: Steamed

In the interest of sticking to my plan to try and post only photos for a while (with occasional commentary), I've been writing what I would normally post here in another place -- namely, a piece I've been greenlighted to write about the past few months: my decrease into major depression, my stay at the hospital, the custody battle that has ensued, and my slow but determined recovery. Most of the photos I have posted here have shown the progress I have made over the past three weeks; good days, medium days, but rarely the bad days. Mostly because I haven't really had that many bad days (hurray for chemical living)

Today, however, SUCKS. And it's Day 21. Is that ominous?

wingless

wingless
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Day 20: Not Dealing, but Still Breathing

Day 20: Not Dealing, but Still Breathing
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

See below.

Seriously.

Solving my problems, yet again

Well, if it's going to rain ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY, then I might as well have something sunny to look at.

just good.

sunset over little harbor
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Day 17: A really small thing happened this morning that made me smile

Day 17: A really small thing happened this morning that made me smile
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

That circle in the sand…

You were right. More than once. You've finally helped me to understand the space between. The people at either end? They're not going anywhere. They're just protecting their space, their solitude. Each road, each path, each place to walk a while has a whole new meaning for me. It's pretty cool.

Day 16: A picture hanging up on someone else's wall

Day 16: A picture hanging up on someone else's wall
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Photo Glut

Cold out, but a fun way to spend a Saturday. I'm hoping I can actually sell some of this stuff.

Yum

TBM
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Thinly Veiled, Empty

Day 14: untitled

Day 14: untitled
Originally uploaded by lkgilbert.

Surely all art is the result of one's having been in danger, of having gone through an experience all the way to the end, where no one can go any further. — Rilke